I'm sorry post to Eric

This post has been hard to start. I thought- hindsight is 20/20, oh cliche philosophy. I thought I could narrate the story I am trying to tell. I wholeheartedly just want to apologize and own my shortcomings without pointing a finger or placing blame anywhere else. I decided a finely tuned letter should do the job (there will be plenty of edits)-

Dear Eric-

I am so sorry that I was mean to you. You got so much of my serious crazy! Early twenties Ruby was wasteful, put SO MUCH ENERGY into trying to control things she couldn't control, was needy and didn't accept she was deeply flawed. I know now that I was demanding, hard to communicate with, a bad listener and I hardly reflected on anything to get a better understanding. I am so sorry I gave you so much crazy. I was in a weird-kind-of-bad place in my head. I am sorry I yelled at you and tried to control everything about our friendship and ultimately our more-than-friendship. No one deserves to be yelled at. I was yelled at my entire young life, and I know now it was abuse. I come across things from that time in my life- a journal entry on a computer or a physical letter form one of us. I was and am still a manipulative arguer. I still struggle with my own knack for arguing. I am sorry for not having any control over myself. I am sorry for not trusting you. I was entirely skeptical that a man could ever love me. I know now that I am lovable, and I am sure my husband is grateful. 

Apologizing is great, but I believe gratitude is more important. Thank you for being a part of my young life. Thank you for letting me try (and be erroneous) as a partner in a relationship. What we had helped me grow into the woman I am today, so I thank you for your role. I could thank you for days for all the great times we spent together and the nice things you did for me. 

Always,
Ruby